who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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