i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
