After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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