You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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