You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I need moral support for this bender
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
