I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
