I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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