OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
