I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
