so explain again why im purple
no
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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