it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
