Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
