goodnight i made you a song goodbye
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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