my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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