barbara walters just said penis...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
