Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
