I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
