I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
