i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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