i was born a porn star she said
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
