I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
