I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
