Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
