Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
