I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
