I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
