It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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