my vag is so smooth its legendary
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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