Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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