Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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