90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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