then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
