My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
