I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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