Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
