Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
