I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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