Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
