think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just pee around me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
