I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
