I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
