I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
