Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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