We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
