I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
