If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
