If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
