from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
