you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
