I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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