Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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