I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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