Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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