does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
