Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
