Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I could teleport
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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