Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
