he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
