$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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